oliver

Saturday, February 18, 2012

In Defense-ish of the Corgi

Yes, she's bad.  No, bad isn't a strong enough word.  She's rotten as fucking sin.

Most dogs will wait until you leave the room to steal the food off your plate.  She waits until you glance in the other direction.

Most dogs will jump up to put their paws on the table (or if they're tall enough, they'll just lean over), but she--like the mannerless heathen she is--prefers to stand on the table.  This way not only does she get the food, but she also gets to put paw prints all over the table and knock everything off of it.

Most dogs will come to you if you call them (especially if they're YOUR DOG).  She will come depending on how you've treated her lately (haven't been paying enough attention to her?  She'll look at you like you're  crazy.  Been loving on another dog?  She'll actively walk over to someone else and love on them instead, making sure to not even glance in your direction).


Some dogs love to have toys and enjoy playing with and loving on them.  She prefers to disembowel and then shred them.  If they're not stuffed, then they're just going to get torn in to tiny little pieces (which she will of course happily leave on the floor for me to clean up).

Some dogs, after you've trained them, will happily ever after obey your commands because they love to please you.  She'll obey . . . as long as the ground isn't too wet, or too dirty, or has too many pieces of gravel or . . .

Some dogs will play fetch with you until one or both of you is exhausted, and even then still bring the ball back. She plays for whatever random amount of time she's decided on that day and then, on the "last" throw, takes the ball elsewhere and settles in to try to destroy it.  Fetch is over; she has spoken.

Some dogs, if they're lucky enough to get to sleep in the bed with you, will at least get their lazy asses OUT of said bed to throw up.  Her ass is apparently lazier than most.

Some dogs would try to get your attention by dropping a toy at your feet or nudging you, but then give up and settle in next to you if you were too busy.  She doesn't know what "too busy" means.  And will bounce, chuff, grumble, and finally right out bark at you (the whole time with a smile in her eyes) until you give in or until something else grabs her attention.  This can go on for a LONG time.

Some dogs will come in after you've vacuumed, sniff the carpet, and go about their day.  She will delightedly rub aaaaaaaaall over the carpet, determined to re-deposit all the fur you just vacuumed up.  She does this, of course, with the biggest grin on her face and her tongue lolling out.

Some dogs would growl or snap at a baby who just hurt them.  She yelps, if it's bad enough, and then instantly puts her ears down and attacks him with kisses, as if SHE is the one  who needs to apologize.

Some dogs would growl or snap at anyone, especially a baby, who tried to play with their food while they were eating it or tried to take their bones away from them while they were chewing on them.  She just keeps on about her business, stopping to give the occasional lick and/or play the "take away" game with the bone (he pulls it towards him to get a better look, and the second he lets go, she pulls it back towards her to chew on it more; this can go on for 5 minutes or more).

My dog wants to go on car rides with me, regardless of the destination, because she loves the experience and loves the one on one time.  (She doesn't so much love her doggy seatbelt, but she puts up with it.)

My dog is ridiculously smart and has rather worrisome problem-solving skills.  But she used them the other day to get over the baby gate so she could come greet me.

My dog is PETRIFIED of storm drains and will hit the deck when you try to walk her closer than 3 feet to one . . . unless I (and yes, only I can get her to do this) call her over.  You see, she trusts me, more than she trusts anyone else.  And I'm pretty sure she trusts me more than anyone else trusts me (except maybe for the baby, but he'll grow out of that--she never will).

My dog loves children.  New adults can be a little intimidating, but she thinks children are God's gift to corgis; they're corgi-sized people, with corgi-sized amounts of enthusiasm and energy.

My dog is a court jester.  Even when she is at her worst, she always makes me laugh.

My dog loves me, unconditionally.  No matter how I've "slighted" her, or if I've had to work and take care of the baby instead of play with her, or if I've had to scold her because  she destroyed yet another thing one of us (the family) actually valued, she still loves me.  She's even a little protective of me.  Not in the way that she'd "defend" me, but if I'm giving too much attention to another dog--like at agility class--she gets in between me and the other dog and makes a very distinct sound which essentially means, "okay, that's enough.  This is MY mom, so piss off."

My dog is the first dog I've ever raised from a puppy.  She was my "practice baby."  She's my girl.  She's my co-pilot.  She's my goofball.  She's my satan spawn.  She's everything I never knew I wanted in a dog (and some things I genuinely didn't; she is SUCH a thief).

She's MY dog, and she means a lot to me.  So I don't care how rotten she is; I can be pretty rotten myself, so we make a good pair.

1 comment:

  1. What a cutie, in spite of (or even because of!) her quirks. :) Regarding destruction of toys, have you ever tried one of the water-bottle stuffed toys, like this: http://www.dogtoys.com/water-bottle-cracklers-dog-toys.html? My parents' dog destroys toys too, but these really stand up to it. She can chew and chew and it pretty much just crushes the bottle, which you then replace, without doing too much damage to the toy itself.

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