Aside from my increased clumsiness, significant drops in vocabulary and understandable speech levels, and inability to type, I also exhibit very clear signs of media-based ADD.
|Don't worry, it's not contagious . . .yet. Source|
Apparently at past get-togethers with friends, I've been entertained enough (or minding my manners enough) to pretty much focus on one thing at a time. Playing drunken Scene-It? I'm good. Playing drunken Rock Band? I'm focused. Playing drunken Cranium? I can't tell the difference between the Scooby Doo theme song and the Inspector Gadget theme song, but I'm still paying attention (K, I was reeeeally gone at that point in the evening; I can normally remember the iconic TV music of my childhood).
|She's so OUTRAGEOUS . . . and naked. Source|
While we have several favorite shows (most of which are on cable channels right now BECAUSE SUMMER TIME NETWORK TV IS LAME), we're more movie hounds than anything. We both scour blogs, subbreddits, and random pages Google brings up to find new things to watch. We've discovered some messed up shit (Oh Martyrs, you scarred me), some really unexpected gems (Peacock: I always knew Cillian Murphy would make a pretty lady), and some total and utter travesties of film-making (I tend to try to block those out, so no titles here).
Seriously, we watch a crap ton of movies.
|It would be a metric crap ton if they were on VHS. Source|
I don't know if you realize this, but the average run time of a movie is a bit under two hours; that's 300% longer than my libation-affected attention span allows for.
So you might think, "well hey, you know your limit, so just stick to shows."
|Even the pretty lady knows that's not gonna happen. Source|
So I navigate over to the movies to see what we've got (Well, what we've got aside from the gigantic sigh I just heard from my husband's direction. DRINK YOUR DAMN WINE, CRAIG). I find something that sounds good--"I've been meaning to watch this" or "Oh, wasn't this supposed to be interesting?"--and fire it up.
There are three possible outcomes to this situation, none of which result in me learning my lesson.
|But at least my failure isn't on the front of a building.Source|
Outcome #1: Within the first 10 minutes of the film, I see someone who looks vaguely familiar and I dash over to my laptop, navigate to IMDB, and don't come back to the film (from IMDB, Facebook, e-mail, Cracked, Reddit, et al.) until an hour later when I look up and ask, "so what happened?"
|Just take the remote, you crazy bitch. Source|
|My hair and I knew you were going to do this. Source|
Outcome #3: Within the first 15 minutes of a film, I turn to Craig and say, "I'm bored." He just smirks at me, and stops the movie.
If you've noticed a type of progression in these outcomes, you're on to something. Most (drinking) evenings are all about outcome #3. After enough #1s and #2s, Craig saw the pattern, made the connection, and started to go all smug Nostradamus on me every time I slurred out "let's watch a movie!"
I still haven't learned to stop trying to watch movies after drinking. Well sober me has, but non-sober me apparently has a pretty big learning curve.
|Also, sober me isn't allowed in theaters where non-sober me can get out. Source|