Monday, August 13, 2012

Blog comments are more than verbally fellating the blogger

People who beg you to leave comments on their blogs used to annoy the ever-loving shit out of me.

I was like, "I read your damn blog, WHY IS THAT NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU?"  And then I'd idly wonder if the person were that annoying in the sack.  "Did you like what I just did there?  Do you want me to do it again?  Tell me how much you love me and what I just did.  Am I doing okay? I'm not going to keep doing this unless you praise me.  Do you want more of this? GIVE ME YOUR APPROVAL AND COME ALREADY."  That's just where my mind goes.

"Do you like it with two wheels? Three?  TELL ME." Source.

And then--you know where this is going--I started a blog.  And I kind of understand the whole wanting comments thing.

Don't get me wrong, I love praise and sycophantism as much as the next ego-hound.

The North-American ego-hound can often be recognized by its gaudy colors, 
obnoxiously never-ending  "call" and its, er, head plumage Source

Recently someone commented on my blog who I didn't even know, and I practically pissed myself like one of those little female dogs that get too excited when someone new comes into the house.

(My computer chair and cushion are cloth, however, so I was forced to control myself.  Plus the idea of my husband referring to me as "tinkles" or something equally insulting and awful for the rest of our marriage didn't sound all that appealing.)

Put that sign over my side of the bed, I fucking DARE you Source.

Anywho, comments can actually serve a purpose other than ego-fellating; who knew?  Now that I've posted several posts, I see patterns.  The ones that have the most views also have the most comments (though to be fair, I did pretty much BEG comments out of people for my last big post, so that one doesn't count due to  pity possibly skewing the research results).  Comments are a way to gauge what your audience (or what you hope is your audience) thinks.

Y'all are fucking weird.  Photo by: Erica La Spada  

BTW, anyone blogger who's like, "I'm not going to answer to ANYONE" is either full of shit or absolutely fine with his or her blog silently slipping into complete anonymity.  I mean, if you don't give a shit about people, why enable comments?  Hell, why even publish something in public?  You're so beneficent that you felt the need to share your wisdom with the world?

Well, I suppose SOME wisdom would be okay . . .  Source

Each post I write is still MINE; that's inevitable. Though I'll have you know that people on the freelance sites will pay you to write about their stuff on your blog. They'll pay you for Amazon reviews and Twitter posts too, and all sorts of other things that will make you pretty much never trust any product-related information on the internet again . . . but that's a different post, for a different time, and possibly for a different blogger.  I'm not your consumer watchdog.  I just like hinting at the hidden depravities of internet capitalism to paranoy you.

"Why did the 4.5 star rated Korean coffe-maker break after 11 days?" Source

Also, that show Cheaters?  It's fake.  And yes, that fact absolutely breaks my heart, too.

Circling back to my point, each post is mine.  Each post will always be mine.  My words, my ideas, etc.  But that doesn't mean that I don't want to know what you think.  I like knowing which posts entertain people more.  I like to figure out which of my writing moods seems to produce more attractive reading.  Do people seem to clamor for my planned out posts or the more organic ones?  What works better as a main post compared to a side post?

I like knowing which parts of me and my writing attract people to the blog most.  I've started out not writing anything I don't like or enjoy, so it's not like focusing on what gets the best response will crush my "creative spirit" or suck out my "artist's soul."

In fact I have no goal other than artistic freedom,  AT ALL. Source

So yeah, mea culpa.  I was wrong.  Comments actually do have a useful function.  But that doesn't mean I want to stop hearing about how fan-fucking-tastic I am, EVEN IF YOU HAVE TO MAKE SOMETHING UP.


  1. I love your blog girl. I know I haven't added comments before but most the time I'm on my crappy little phone and it barely lets me do anything. I'll try to do better. I love your blog because its witty and makes me think occasionally :)
    Hope all is well.

    1. Aw, thank you Amber. Honey, I understand about the phone and do NOT think you have to "do better." Your support and readership means more than comments ever will. However, if you just HAPPEN to occasionally read something you love while you're near a computer, I won't complain ;-)

  2. I really like the term "verbally fellating," and I am going to try to work that into conversation whenever possible.