Thursday, September 27, 2012

Impressionable Me

My mom's having a bit of a tough time right now so I wanted to help her feel better, and I know she loves nothing more than when I  create some crafty shit (that she will lovingly keep until her death, at which point I'll be stuck with again, and then hoarders will show up and I'll be reality-TV famous).  The idea I came up with required some quote research and while Brainy Quotes is . . . adequate at times, it just wasn't cutting the mustard.  (WTF, where does that saying even come from?  I'm lazy; you go Google it and leave the answer in the comments. Thanks in advance for enabling my sloth.)  During my searching, a link to Goodreads popped up; I was simultaneously rewarded and screwed.

I don't know if you've noticed, but I've been pretty busy lately.  Hell, I've been busy since I started the freelancing stuff and trying to keep up with this ever-morphing amalgam of a blog.  (You know you're just dying for another self-indulgent, "what this blog is now"  post. )  Oh, and the kid, he sucks up some time too.  Circling back to the point, I've been busy--too busy to read.

Well, I mean, not really too busy to read.  I read blogs, Reddit, HuffPo, etc., but those are nice, quick, bite-sized pieces of intellectual diddling.  I have a Kindle FULL of books just waiting for me.  Good books too, not just the latest "If you liked the poorly written yet greatly entertaining Fifty Shades of Grey series, you'll love (insert title of--hopefully--higher quality romance/erotica)" selections.  I've got some actual award-winners on there.  We're talking the kind of quality literature that may very well end up being taught in a literature course in the future--THE KIND THE HIGH SCHOOLERS OF 400 YEARS FROM NOW WILL HATE AND DESPERATELY SEEK OUT THE CLIFFNOTES INSTANT BRAIN DOWNLOAD VERSION OF.

Essentially, I have quality stuff I could be reading, but I'm dicking around in the express lane that is the internet.  My writing reflects this.

You know those people who almost can't help but affect an accent when they're in a foreign country?  That's me.  I'm seriously surprised I haven't gotten my ass kicked for it yet, but then again, I FORCED myself to maintain patois-neutrality while in New York, so while I'm impressionable, I ain't stupid.  But I'm not just this way with accents.  I osmosis just about every style I come into contact with WHILE I am in contact with it.  Call it inspiration, call it chameleonism, call it bullshit, I don't care; it's what I do.  When I was in grad school, I read academic articles before settling in to write my own.  When I'm hunkering down to turn my short story ideas in to words, I begin by warming up with some Harlan Ellison.

Lately, all I've been actually writing are blog posts.  Blog posts in, blog posts out.  Short (by comparison), pithy, conversational blog posts full of pictures and bad words--which I enjoy.

But now, NOW, I've been reading through quotes on Goodreads.  And dammit, some of these authors can WRITE.  And now I want to write too.  I want to sit here and work on my short stories (which will never be finished, so don't ask) and create tapestral prose so beautiful you'll want to vomit in disgust over your own inadequacy.  (Yeah, I just created the word "tapestral."  Tapestry-like is clunky.  Please go weep at my brilliance in the far corner; other people's head fluids freak me out.)

But instead, I have to go edit someone else's story, and go write for someone else's blog, and go take care of . . . well, okay, he's MY kid but the way that messes up the parallel structure is a syntactical crime.  All of these are things I do by choice, and normally, I'm perfectly happy with doing them.

But that wasn't good enough for the combination of Goodreads and my suggestible brain.  So now, I'm just itching to go open up a few files and get down to it, but instead, I'm writing this blog as a sort of appeasement for the right side of my brain and going back to work.

Fuck you, Goodreads.  Fuck you very much.

And yes, I found a damn quote for my crafty shit. Yippy. Fucking. Skippy.


  1. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Doesn't%20Cut%20the%20Mustard

  2. Mustard seeds are hard to cut. Mustard plants: also tough. Prepared mustard is cut (diluted) with vinegar to make it edible.

    This is what the expressway and my own slothful searching yielded. I only find the last one potentially relevant.