Tuesday, September 11, 2012

"Want U Back" Inspires Ire and Misogyny: TWO FOR ONE SPECIAL!

So we all remember what happened to "Call Me, Maybe," right?

You'd think the music industry would learn to contact me first before releasing supercatchyOMGITSINMYHEADANDBORINGINTOMYBRAIN pop, but apparently they haven't gotten the memo yet.

I could set the radio station on fire . . .Source.

So let's talk about the hideously catchy song that makes me want to bludgeon myself with an empty wine bottle (after I'VE emptied it, of course) when I catch myself humming it of the moment.  I give you Cher Lloyd's Want U Back (video is annoying and pointless; you've been warned).

I wanted to like this song.  Hell, I wanted to LOVE this song.  It's so poppy, happy, fun sounding AND she keeps her accent in the damn thing.

If I could just stop paying attention to the actual LYRICS of songs, I'd be in fucking business.

I did not say I'd be in THE "fucking" business. source

What's so wrong with the lyrics? Oh, let's just start at the beginning:

Hey, boy you never had much game                     And yet he was able to snag you . . .

So I needed to upgrade                                          You do realize people are not pieces of
                                                                                technology, right? And if you "settled" for    
                                                                                some"outdated" piece of ass, that again 
                                                                                sounds like more of a reflection on you. 
                                                                                JUST SAYIN'.

So I went and walked away-way-way                     Apparently she broke it off from a distance
Now I seen you been hanging out
With that other girl in town
Looking like a pair of clowns-clowns-clowns         So either they're happy together and acting 
                                                                               silly, or they are literally in grease paint,
                                                                               giant shoes, and red noses.  AGAIN,
                                                                               both of these options reflect poorly on you. 

Remember all the things that you and I did first
And now you're doing them with her                      Like, looking like clowns?

Remember all the things that you and I did first
You got me got me like this                                    That's right, it's his fault you're being snotty
                                                                                and regretful.  HOW DARE HE MAKE YOU  

And now you're taking her to every restaurant
And everywhere we went, come on!                      Wait, are you mad because he's not avoiding 
                                                                               every single place you two spent time together?
                                                                               Is he supposed to make shrines out of Pizza
                                                                               Hut and the movies, and not desecrate them
                                                                               by *gasp* taking a more appreciative girl to 
                                                                               them? BLASPHEMING BASTARD.

And now you're taking her to every restaurant    Or are you just pissed some other chick is 
                                                                              getting your free food?  You're kind of harping 
                                                                              on the restaurant thing here . . .

You got me got me like this                                  Again, your arrogant, selfish rant . . . his fault . . .

Boy you can say anything you wanna                 Like, "please leave us alone"?
I don't give a shit, no one else can have you      Oooooh, like "restraining order"
I want you back, I want you back
Want want you, want you back                            Such emphatic repetition is . . . unnerving
I broke it off thinking you'd be crying                   And this was your motivation?
Now I feel like shit looking at you flying               Not one of those "I just want him to be happy"
                                                                             girls, eh?
I want you back, I want you back
Want want you, want you back                           I, um, think we get the point. 

Please, this ain't even jealousy                          Methinks the bitch doth protest too much
She ain't got a thing on me                                 Certainly not a better disposition
Tryna rock them ugly jeans-jeans-jeans            ME-OW
You clearly didn't think this through                   The you breaking up with him part? 
If what I've been told is true             
You'll be crawling back like boo-hoo-hoo           K, he's flying and your're in denial

Chorus repeats

Oooh, oooh, I thought you'd still be mine   
When I kissed you goodbye uh-oh uh-oh          You know, "goodbye" isn't exactly a complex
                                                                            concept for most people . . .
Oooh, oooh, and you might be with her
But I still had you first uh-oh uh-oh                    Generally that whole "I HAD IT FIRST" rule
                                                                            fizzles out after, oh, age 5

Chorus repeats

Does this sound like a helicopter?
Brrrrrrrrrrrr                                                         Oh I GET IT.  She is 5.  Well, it's all good then.

While this song's "message" very much does not appeal to me, that isn't reason enough for my seething hatred of/irritation with "Want U Back."  (And no, I don't give two shits about the "U" in the title.)

You know, it's not like they're calling for all incorrect grammar to be put  into camps or anyting . . . source

I still like Hinder's "Lips of an Angel" (DON'T YOU FUCKING JUDGE ME), and I don't particularly care for the message of that song either.  I mean, who wants to think about his or her significant other pining away for his or her ex? ("I guess we never really moved on . . ." THEN STOP BANGING SOMEONE ELSE)

So why can I not STAND this song's lyrics?

Fat fucking load of help YOU are. source

The fact that I'm slightly misogynistic doesn't help.  Hey, I'm just being honest, so don't come burn your bras in my front yard or throw used tampons at my door.

When I got pregnant, I pretty much BEGGED the universe to give me a boy.  Why?  Girls are crazy, catty, vicious bitches.  And before anyone starts rounding up the villager, um, esses, I'd like to remind you of one of my favorite quotes from MIB:

"A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals . . . ."

Same thing with girls.  I have a solid handful of "girlfriends" whom I love dearly and can, well, stand.  Girls in general?  No thanks.  Why?  Because of the all too often accurate stereotypes which this song seems to glorify.  

a) The "I can do better" mentality even though he's (apparently) a decent guy
b) The "I don't want you, but no one else can have you" attitude
c) The cattiness/bitchiness towards anything having to do with the new girl
d) The utter disbelief that he moved on and isn't pining away for her
e) The "I want you back now that I see you happy with someone else" mind fuck
f) The overall narcissistic, shallow, cuntish tone of the song

But it was either that or take the prison route and tattoo it across your forehead . . . source

Basically, I can't stand the idea of just throwing someone away because you need an "upgrade," and then--even worse-- expecting to be able to go fish him out of the trash whenever the selfish and entitled whim strikes you.  Maybe it's that whole "treat others how you would like to be treated" thing I attempt to live my life by.  You break up with someone because you're not a good fit (for deeper reasons than not having much "game").
Because some guys without much game can fucking BUY you restaurants. source

The selfishness and shallowness here really grate on me too.  I've never been able to tolerate the  "I didn't want it until I saw you playing with it" mentality that, while unfortunate in young children, is absolutely inexcusable in any person old enough to know better, i.e. over the age of five.  Plus, the narrator/voice/whatever is perfectly happy to not only fuck with her ex boyfriend's head, but potentially ruin his happiness, his new girlfriend's happiness, and their (probably) healthier relationship.  Also, FACE UP TO THE CONSEQUENCES OF YOUR DECISIONS.

Maybe that's it.  I want this narrator to learn the lesson we all inevitably do: actions have consequences and you need to learn to a) think more carefully about your actions and b) sack up and deal with the consequences.  Honestly, it's never too early to start teaching kids these lessons; maybe in hopes that they won't turn out like THAT.

Well, shit.  source

And perhaps that's what hits my sore spot the most.  Girls love this song--LOTS of them.  Young girls, older girls, probably a few of the housewives of plastic-surgery-whore county as well.  And while I can understand idolizing songs meant to make you feel sexy or empowered, this?  This call to arms for all the shallow, sophomoric, full of themselves, cunts out there?  No.  I can respect just about any other song's message in some way, shape or form, but not this one.  I could even deal with this being a "shit, I made a mistake, I'm sorry, please take me back."  But "hey I threw you away and now I've changed my mind so come start taking me to all those restaurants again?"  I seriously want to slap her.

Like, a WHOLE salad bar's worth. Source

Side Note:  I've decided Mondays and Thursdays don't "work" for me.  So Tuesdays and Fridays are now the official Humble Narcissist Posting days.  Try not to wet yourselves (because I already have, and I'm not cleaning up anymore).

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