oliver

Thursday, October 18, 2012

If All Else Fails, My Son Has a Future in Europe . . .

Yup, it's a blog post about my kid.  You knew it was only a matter of time.  Still, this entertained the hell out of me this morning, so I'm sharing it.


The toddler wears footie pajamas in the "winter"--nice, cozy, fleece ones.  It's finally started cooling down a bit, at least at night, so into the jammies he goes.

The toddler also wears nighttime diapers.  Sometimes they "work," sometimes they don't.  When they don't, I'm reminded of what's INSIDE diapers--what makes them so absorbent.

This morning, as I'm getting ready to change the toddler, I realize the nighttime diaper has failed and lots of diaper innards have escaped their bonds . . . and gathered in the footie parts of the jammies.

No big deal, not my first rodeo.

I carefully remove the old diaper from the toddler and remove the toddler from the jammies.  I place the toddler in a fresh, integrity-still-intact diaper, but no clothes yet as I have to take care of the jammies first.  (Not doing so will lead to the toddler "taking care" of them in a manner that will get everything all over the floor, and those little wet crystals don't vacuum up for shit).

I make sure Baby Einstein is on the TV before stepping out the back door.  It's too chilly to bring him out with me and he gets into less trouble when he's occupied; besides, we have almost floor-to-ceiling windows looking out into the back yard, so I can easily see him, especially as it's still a bit dark outside, and the living room light is on.

I walk out into the yard and shake the jammies, getting out all my frustration over the fact I'm even having to DO this in the first place.  I turn to go back inside, and then I see him.

Backlit by the warm glow of the house, my son--clad only in his diaper-- is pressed up against one of the windows, one leg hiked up on the low sill, arms stretched upwards and--since he has just seen me see him--alternating between grinning and licking the window.

He looks like he belongs in the red light district in Amsterdam.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE ONLY SUPPOSED TO WORRY ABOUT KEEPING DAUGHTERS OFF THE POLE.


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