"The other day on my Facebook page, I commented something about having a bad day. A reader replied, saying she was relieved I was having a bad day because it seemed like I always knew what to do…or something like that. I laughed out loud…shook my head…and started to type."
She then went on to offer a list of things she doesn't post about.
The whole situation reminded me of that Steven Furtick quote: "The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel," which is a ridiculously appropriate quote in the age of Facebook, Instagram, etc.
And then I thought about my blog, and how I'm pretty close to the opposite of that. I mean, let's face it, I don't exactly come here to brag or celebrate or give thanks or whatever the fuck all the happy people do. I tend to come here to bitch, and vent, and cry, and fuss. Yes, occasionally you'll get a positive post, and I'm working on at least adding a quasi-positive ending to the others--you know, the life affirming "but I will overcome" bullshit we all like to hear, whether we buy it or not. But by now, you don't come here expecting excerpts from The Power of Positive Thinking.
I kept thinking about my blog, and I realized I LIKE it being negative, and grumpy, and gripey, and all the other pessimistic terms you can come up with. Because if there's one thing I know I'm not and one thing I want people to KNOW I know I'm not, is perfect.
Sure I don't blog about EVERYTHING on here. I mean, I do try to respect the privacy of those in my life, so I very rarely mention specifics when it comes to family and close friends. I try to stick to me and what's going in my head. It's pretty self-centered, but while that means I get all the attention, it also means ONLY I get all the attention.
But maybe all of my negativity makes someone else feel better--whether it's in the form of "wow, at least I'm not that bad," or "wow, I guess it is okay to have these sorts of feelings."
Or you could just all be nosy fuckers who sigh when clicking on the link, thinking "let's see what little miss negativity is caterwauling about THIS time." Some people like to watch train wrecks; I can't fault them for that . . . unless they're in the car in front of my going, like, 15 to get a good look, THEN I get pissed. Your desire to witness the aftermath of destruction is fine until you get into the lane in front of me. MOVE, YOU GODDAMN RUBBERNECKER.
I'm actually working (like, HARD) to not be so negative in my day to day life and in my interactions with people. There's apparently a thin line between being realistic/skeptical and being needlessly pessimistic; I left that line in my rear-view mirror long ago, my friends. But even while I'm trying to drive in reverse for god knows how many miles, I'm still going to need to bitch, and fuss, and vent, and pissandmoanandwhineandactpetulant, etc. And I'm pretty sure that's where this blog comes in. Will it ALL be negative? No. The majority? Most likely.
I mean, it could be worse; I could turn to writing shitty poetry and putting THAT on the blog. And yeah, you'd eventually stop reading, but you'd still have read the first few and have to deal with the nasty aftertaste in your mind for the rest of your days--that's right, they would be that bad.
Basically, this little piece of the web here is never going to be my highlight reel. Honestly, when good shit happens I'm much more likely to post a short status update on my personal FB page and then celebrate in real life than sit down here and dull my feelings of joy by putting them into words. (Unless it has to do with writing; if it has to do with writing, I will totally shove that in EVERYONE'S FACE I CAN, still desperate for validation and approval.)
But this blog isn't exactly "behind-the-scenes" either, because a lot more goes on than the fraction I write about here. I guess you could call it my "Bad Day Blog." If something's eating at me, if I'm having an absolute shit time of it, or if I just can't stop fucking crying for some reason, odds are, I'll end up here. Maybe you will too. Misery loves company, right?
Come sit next to me, and we'll just talk shit about everything.